Nov 9, 2008

How to quit your job and sail away


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Original Post:

My sister came to Charleston for work. I brought her an a few others out to dinner. The service was horrible. Our dinner took over 4 hours because the server kept forgetting about us. So I complained!

Apparently this was a big no-no. The “operating partner” of the company that owns several restaurants in Charleston, plus the hotel where I work called me in for a meeting. I’d never met this man before. He refused to shake my hand upon greeting, and then went on to tell me how stupid I was for complaining about the service at a restaurant that was owned by the company I worked for.

I did not see his point. Bad service is bad service. So, I submitted the following letter and never went back:

Dear Daren,

After an appropriate period of deliberation, I have come to the decision to tender my resignation, effective Monday, June 30th.

Please know that I still maintain a high level of respect for you as a manager and colleague, and I thank you sincerely for the support and assistance you have offered me in each of those roles. I have been proud to work for your company; it has been a journey that has provided me an unparalleled foundation to move forward to new and exciting opportunities.

As such, I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame, and hair-raising adventure.

Our path may not be comforted by porcine operating partners such as yourself, but we shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. With keen blade at my hip and a Jolly Roger flapping high above me, I believe I will have found my true calling.

Please note that I am currently accepting applications for First Officer, if you are at all interested in applying. Me hearties would warmly welcome a scallywag such as the likes of you. I will provide a full medical and dental plan, which will offer immediate coverage of all maladies other than scurvy and the occasional bout of rickets.

Yours Sincerely,
Chad Lawie
(Hereafter to be known as Captain BoneHead)

I returned to the hotel a few days later. My manager gave me a smile, and told me I had to go. He said that my letter had been circulated around all of the restaurants and the hotel, generating a lot of laughter, and that Daren had “banned” me from the hotel. Alas, I’m pretty sure I got the last laugh!

If you ever visit Charleston, stay away from the following restaurants:
Coast bar and grill
Rue De Jon

Yes, I am a disgruntled employee. The asshole called me stupid and a bonehead!


  1. Classic.... just classic. What a way to tell a ex employer off. You were nice but still threw it back into his face. HA!

    I hate business owners. They think they're "all that"
    I work for a woman and she is such a *PsycHo*beeAch*..

    Oh.... hi honey... I'm fired?

    Is the first mate position still open?

  2. Still sorry for my part in getting you called a bonehead ... it was a cute restaurant. Guess we should have gone with pizza.

  3. Bonjourno Mi Capitano,

    That's the limit of my fake Italian...

    I hope you had a great turkey day. I have a vague recollection of speaking to you, but as my brother and I had already been into both Martinis, and wine...well, let's just say that a vague recollection is all I have.

    Please give Leanne and Sushi our love,