I'm beat. Spent the day working on the boat. I dropped the rudders out of the boat to check the bearing and rudder post. I also had some cracks around the top that I wanted to repair. One of them was really bad.
The boat sits right on the ground, so the only way to drop the rudders was to dig a hole beneath them. Not a fun task. Top layer of gravel. Below that is some kind of bedrock. The best method was to chip away at rocks and then once enough particles were broken loose, scrape them away with the shovel. So really I did more scraping away than digging.
All of this under near a really expensive and delicate fiberglass rudder. Fortunately, I didn't have to go down very far. But I wanted a clear view of anything that might be going wrong, and I knew I had to some fiberglass work and I wanted clearance for that. So I ended up digging down about 2 feet on the first side, and 12 inches on the second.
After the holes were dug, I had the educational experience of figuring out how to detach the rudders from the boat. Something I've never done on any boat before. It was interesting to find that the entire rudder is kept from dropping out of the boat by a piece of metal, a little larger in diameter than a pencil, with two cotter pins on either side.
Jon, the guy who runs the service department at the boat yard came over twice today to check things out and give me guidance. I felt so much better afterward. I can read articles on rudder repair, and watch videos, but I felt so much more assured from him saying "yep, you're things right."
It's pretty crazy that just yesterday I was looking at the rudders with despair, trying to find replacements online, and knowing that even if I found them they wouldn't arrive in time for our launch date.
Today I had the rudders dropped out, cracks ground down, and applied my first coat of epoxy. As much of a worry, this has been, I've learned a lot in the process, and fortunately, almost every step has made me feel better.
After sanding off the bottom paint, I found the cracks weren't that bad. After grinding down the cracks, I found they didn't go too deep. I was dreading to drop out the rudders, but I learned a lot about them in the process.
It's been fun. It feels good to replace worrying with knowing. I feel more confident in the structural integrity of the rudders, which I already know will make me feel more confident in rough weather.
Hobie is on his fourth night of falling asleep alone. I normally lay with him until he falls asleep, which I love, however, he is pretty much incapable of being in his room alone at night, which is really not cool. Between Hobie and Charlie both waking up throughout the night and needing our help to fall back asleep, we aren't getting any rest. I don't think the boys are getting the best quality of sleep either.
So I started making the transition to Hobie falling sleep on his own. Four nights in, he is getting pretty good at it. And Charlie seems to have picked up on what is going on, and now he has been laying in his crib falling asleep on his own. Suddenly LeeAnn and I have....(dare I say it)...FREE TIME.
Mar 9, 2017
I Worry About The Unkown
My youngest son, Charlie is 1.5 years old, and still wakes up fairly often in the middle of the night. Whenever I'm in his dark room, standing over his crib, shushing him back to sleep, I think about how happy I am that we are not living on a sailboat.
I think about how nice it is that I'm not in a strange place, a thousand miles from home. I think about how comfortable my house is. How it can't sink. I think maybe I don't want to sail away. Maybe we should just stay home. It's SUCH a comfortably tempting thought to think.
But when I really embrace this idea, it falls apart. So we don't go sailing. Then what? Do I go to work and keep up with the Joneses? Two weeks vacation once a year. Is that it? Is that what I want to do with my life? Absolutely not.
Do I want to look back on my life and think "I chose comfort and familiarity over living the life I really wanted." No way.
I Worry About MoneyI spend most of my time worrying about money. It's the most pressing issue, and in a lot of ways it's the easiest to solve compared to intangible things like "the fear of the unknown."
My concerns start with health insurance. When we were younger, life didn't cost as much money. We needed food for two and gas money for the boat. That was about it.
Now we are a family of four, and its our responsibility to look out for the well being of our children. I consider health insurance for all of us to be a necessity.
I'm hoping that I'll be able to keep my current job in some form. Just in case that doesn't work out, I've started a web design and management company called Wowie.co (please check it out, and tell your friends). The company has been really successful so far, but it's still a candle in the wind. I'm also experimenting with revenue streams from this blog, which I will share updates on in a later post. We also plan to rent out our house.
While I worry about money, it's not a reason to give up the sailing dream. Cruising has provided me with many skills (self-confidence, problem solving, budgeting) and even opportunities. My current job and income is directly connected to our 2007-2009 sailing trip. So who knows. Maybe this new adventure will result in new income streams I currently can't imagine.
I Worry About Uprooting My FamilyI have a lot of wonderful memories of growing up. My parents have lived in the same house for as long as I can remember. Living in a house provides a lot of interior room to run and play. I remember playing catch with my dad in our back yard. Riding skateboards and bikes in our driveway. I have a lot of wonderful (and horrible) memories from going to school, and there are people here in Muskegon that I've known since the first grade.
I'm afraid to pull my kids away from the wonderful childhood I had. I know Hobie in particular is going to miss our house. He is going to miss our cats (which we are going to have to find new homes for).
On the flip side, I don't know how great it can be to grow up on a boat because I didn't experience it the way my kids will. They will make their own special memories. They will see and experience things that other kids don't.
Ultimately, I don't think there is a "right way". I think (hope) that my kids will look back on their childhood and view it as "normal" because it is simply the only one they know. I mean, the idea of growing up in India is totally exotic to me. But to the kids who grow up there, it's just normal.
You Only Live OnceWhatever my fears, I always come back to two things:
1. My life is going to go by faster than I would like it to.
2. I don't want to spend my life working.
I'm not opposed to work. I'm a straight up workaholic. But I'm always asking myself "when I'm old and looking back on my life, what do I want to see? A life spent working, making money? Or a life spent making memories, experiencing as much as I can of this amazing world where we live?
I think everyone tricks themselves into thinking "there will be time later." But... there won't be. This is it. Life slips by like sand through your fingers. Ask any old person and they will say "each year goes by faster than the one before."
I can't help but feeling life doesn't really want to be lived. It's like the buzz of a refrigerator, the ambient noise that no one notices until it suddenly cuts out. It's easy to take for granted.
You have grab life by the throat. Don't let it slip away. You only get one shot, so make it count.