Mar 21, 2017

A Prison of Possessions

Chipping away at our things. We now have four boxes of books sitting out in the garage. We are bringing them to a used book store that will give us a bit of money for each book.

By going through our books, we've found that we actually own duplicate copies of several books, and in some cases series of books. Safe to say, we love books, and it's hard to part with them. I'm saving the books I really love, the ones that dramatically impacted my life. I'm letting go of the rest.

I couldn't help second guessing myself tonight. What am I doing getting rid of all this stuff? I don't plan to sail away forever.... just for a while. Do I really want to get rid of all my stuff? Trying to think logically, I reminded myself that I didn't have most of these things 10 years ago and I wasn't any less happy then.

I also freaked out a little when I realized we really don't have that much time to get ready. LeeAnn is leaving for Norway toward the end of July and gets back in August. In order to hit our September 1st departure date, we have to be moved out of our house and aboard the boat by then end of August.

I guess I didn't realize until tonight that we are straight up moving. Moving out of our house and onto a boat. I remember how much it sucked to move when we bought our new house... and I didn't realize until tonight that we are taking on that same monumental task. At least this time we have several months to accomplish it.

For all my dreaming of sailing away, I'm sad to leave this house. I'm sad to think that we will never be able to put it back together the way it is now. We will never "come home" to this house.

But when I set my feelings aside and think logically, I remember that we have only been living here for 3.5 years. 4 years ago we lived in a completely different house, and I don't miss it. I don't yearn to go back "home" to it.

Am I really ready to set my life adrift? To take up a rootless existence?

Whenever I feel this way, I come back to asking myself "what would I do if I stayed?" I would work, and continue dreaming about sailing away.

It's funny, the possessions that make leaving so stressful and so much work, are at the same time difficult to give away. A prison of possessions. This reminds me of a line from "The Truman Show":

"He could leave at any time. If his was more than just a vague ambition, if he was absolutely determined to discover the truth, there's no way we could prevent him. I think what distresses you, really, caller, is that ultimately Truman prefers his cell, as you call it."

And two great Fight Club quotes"

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.”


“You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.”

I'm sad to get rid of our books, but several of these books haven't been lifted from the shelf since we moved into this house, and I can't remember a time when I appreciated them as much as I did tonight, while I was choosing which ones to keep, and which ones to give away.

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